I can’t go on like this.

You’ll go for weeks, months even, without speaking to me, and then suddenly announce that you miss me and want to meet up. Even when we do see each other you ignore me for your friends that you see every day.

I remember when we were making plans. We wanted to travel together, to see places and experience the world. They’ve all gone now, I can tell. Even if you half-heartedly mention them in conversation, it’s as if you’re letting them go and saying goodbye. I can’t just do that with you, and it really irritates me.

We’re so different, as well. Yes, we watch the same TV shows, like Studio Ghibli movies, but you smoke weed. You get drunk most weekends. You talk about sex like it doesn’t matter at all. I rarely even drink, I’ve never tried drugs and I’ve only had sex once. The thing is, you talk about all this stuff while I’m in the presence of your friends, then it all falls away when we’re alone. You’re the sweet, caring person I met two and a half years ago. Everyone changes, I know that. But you’re too much for me to deal with.

I love you. I’m not in love with you, but I love you nonetheless. And that’s why I can’t walk away from you, and why I’ll always smile when you say my name in that way that makes your dimples come out.

I’ll carry on without you. I have to.